a hard Tuesday

I had a rough day. I don't feel in tune with my soul, with God. I feel guilty as charged for all the things that I despise. I disapprove of the lack of order and the pure laziness and discouragement that settles in a life without direction. I need a higher purpose than me, but I pick and choose according to an asleep mind. I am lost without God. I feel so lost without Him. Conrad and mom asked me if they can do anything to help me... and nothing comes to my mind but for them to pray for me. My prayers to God are so constricted and mundane. I need a job, I need an income, I want a purpose and to be involved in something bigger than me. We have debt that needs to be paid. I am so distressed. I need God. I need him in every way and in every corner of my soul and mind and life. I need God to give me direction. I need God.