About yesterday

...I had such a weird day yesterday. I woke up to Conrad's invitation to join him at Barefoot, for his business meeting. I was anxious to get out of the house, but mom seemed a bit overwhelmed with the day ahead. It crossed my mind to stay at home and help her in case she needed my help, but I wasn't much of a good companion, and I couldn't resist the temptation of a breve latte. This week I have been feeling low, discouraged and not knowing how to build up my courage to go through the day, without faking it, draining my emergency bottle of optimism on regular low days. I decided to face head on my fears, and let myself sink to the bottom of the pool, just so I could reach it with my feet, to spring up fast, out of inertia.
So I did. I told God what was on my heart, and surprisingly I felt more convicted than ever, for all my thoughts and frustration and ungratefulness, and distrust and complaining, and pride and selfish justifications. I have no clue whatsoever what the plan is. Or if God is waiting for me to learn something in particular in this season of my life... sometimes I feel like the only thing I can do is stay afloat. I have a hard time not being independent.

We had guests at the house yesterday, with lots of cute kids. mom was joggling the day quite gracefully, but there were to many balls in the air. And I decided to make up for my selfish morning and fill in the gaps as well as I could. I believe the day ended well, and I got to play with two beautiful 1 year old twins, with a contagious laugh. And we went to bed happy and giggly, and Conrad and I chatted and played and fell asleep happy...