"not good enough"

When struggling with unemployment, besides all the general inconveniences, one starts to question his own value, abilities, sanity. Nobody wants to feel inadequate, but sometimes that's the plain truth when trying to match a square peg in a round whole. The square shape it's not by any means better that the round shape, it's just not the right thing in the right place.
I can't even express in plain words how discouraging it is, not being able to find a job for such a long time. We judge those around us, in our heads most of the time "what is wrong with you? why can't you do this?" and it's out of our power to change our circumstances in the time frame we would like to change them.
I have been blessed with gracious people around, who didn't turn the knife into the wound, by asking insensitive questions. "What did you do all day?, What are your plans for today? Why don't you call again the place where you applied?" or comments like: Maybe you didn't try hard enough, you should... you should... you should... making all sorts of wise comments and giving advice or random examples about the job market. I have heard them, addressed to others, sometimes wrongly interpreted by my overly sensitive psychic...
I have felt all the hard feelings a discouraged person feels. I have built up hope and enthusiasm so many times for the wrong job. And crashed like a plane in flames whenever I would get the blue call.
Why is our value and worthiness depending so much on our job? Well, I know for a fact that if you are not just independently wealthy, paying the bills and being solvent is very important... and can give one many sleepless nights.

Two days ago I have confessed to myself and to mom over candlelights on the porch, my whole journey of a broken spirit, my heart that was cleansed of the darkness of financial frustration, and I had to wait for a year, to learn that God is in control, and no matter what I do, worrying won't add a day to my life, and won't fix problems.

I am so excited to meet my new team at Apple. I am excited to work hard and impact people... and have fun while doing it.
God is amazing, and this new journey at Apple is totally a gift from my Father, and He is very much in control. One step at a time, first the applications, the calls, the interviews, and job offer over the phone... and now signing the papers and meeting the team, starting the 4 days training... and getting to work every work day after that!