Such a busy day. I hate the morning routine question: what are you doing today. I always fill my days productively, but I rarely have a clear plan for the day ahead. My list for today ended up being huge! I always make a list, sometimes I put things on that I already did, just so I can check them off. I cleaned the house, vacuumed and moped, cleaned the bathrooms, did laundry and the dishes, I activated conrad's voice mail, I went grocery shopping, I got gas, I worked more on the movie I'm making for Caleb, I prepared my resumes for Monday, for the JobFair and learned more about the companies attending the fair. It has been a full day. Very productive... and yet, it seem that my focus is still on the financial productivity. Conrad was also very productive, working for two of his clients all day. I created a document on-line that tracks all his clients and the projects conrad is working on for them, and the cost and the payments. I take care of all the banking issues, tax savings, salary, credit card payments and other bills. I like doing this a lot. I'm still figuring out my role in life and my impact on this world. When having a full time job it's easy to slip into a robotic mode, following all the business rules already ingrained in my system, and when coming home at 5 I feel like i can veggie out on the couch and feel not even a gram of guilt for doing so.
I can do more though. Oh, how I wish I can get a good full time job. I always fill my time well after work anyway.
Conrad is so incredibly supportive of me in this season, and he genuinely appreciates my support and help in the Altmannhaus business. If only we could hold our own and save some money this season while waiting to move into our new place.
Oh, dear God, if anything, this is a season to rest in Conrad's love and grow in oneness while not trembling due to financial worries, like being kicked out of a lease for not making the outrageous rent payments.
It's weekend, and I hope what comes next will be relaxing and productive at the same time. I pray that God will bring our way his messengers and potential new colleagues and clients for our business. I pray God will make it clear to me what his plan for me is. May I rest in his power and love...
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
intense week
My heart is racing. it has been a weird week. there is so much to do and so little structure in my time. i have o discipline myself and self impose a routine. I lose track of time and goals. I question if this is the right path. I miss the love/hate relationship I had with my stressful sometimes boring full time job. I miss the constant pay and not having to justify every penny and every invoice and quote and contract. It may sound odd, but figuring out the fair price and living life at its fullest with unbent work-ethic and passion and wisdom is a full time job. I want to start and live my life in full honesty. Because one you bend your rules one never knows what essential rule will require bending against your will.
Anyway, something big is going to happen. I feel it in the air. All our senses are awakened, and we are all a little tired, physically and emotionally, and tense. I bike every day, even if only for a mile. The wind buzzing by my ears, the brisk air, the adrenaline, my legs working hard pedaling...
I am working on a video for Caleb's first birthday. I consolidated all the videos I took of him this past year, and we'll make it fun and artistic. A sweet memory for him to have for the years to come. Conrad like to splurge his family by spending money. I like to work hard to give unique gifts, like this video. I'm not a good gift giver. I rarely have the best ideas or the most accommodating budget. But I always try my best.
I hope this week will go by soothly, and I pray that whatever is good and soon to happen, to come our way fast and easy. I pray that God will do His mighty work with us and in us. I pray that I can see the path clearly...
Anyway, something big is going to happen. I feel it in the air. All our senses are awakened, and we are all a little tired, physically and emotionally, and tense. I bike every day, even if only for a mile. The wind buzzing by my ears, the brisk air, the adrenaline, my legs working hard pedaling...
I am working on a video for Caleb's first birthday. I consolidated all the videos I took of him this past year, and we'll make it fun and artistic. A sweet memory for him to have for the years to come. Conrad like to splurge his family by spending money. I like to work hard to give unique gifts, like this video. I'm not a good gift giver. I rarely have the best ideas or the most accommodating budget. But I always try my best.
I hope this week will go by soothly, and I pray that whatever is good and soon to happen, to come our way fast and easy. I pray that God will do His mighty work with us and in us. I pray that I can see the path clearly...
Monday, June 7, 2010
"you are the everlasting God"
As I started updating my blog with pictures this song from church e singing in my head "I will wait upon the Lord, I will wait upon the Lord, my God, you reign forever, My God, you strong Deliverer! You are the everlasting God, you do not faint you don't grow weary..." And this paired with Psalm 25 that Brian shared with us on Sunday... it's so encouraging! It's so refreshing and outrageously simple that all we have to do is wait upon the Lord. Hear his voice and command and follow him. And the battle is not about us, it's about God and his kingdom. I forget such essential truths sometimes, when I let myself be overwhelmed by the future or even by the present, when I'm not sure if this is what Im supposed to be doing or if something else is expected from me. Whatever happened to my rich 1-on-1 with the CEO. Regain direction, touch base, share the progress or the failure so far, ask for guidance. God is the best CEO ever! Just keep your heart straight and your work ethic in-tune with His commands. We all make mistakes but He will never fire you if you come clean and take responsibility for your actions.
For the longest time I did let my job define who I am even though I didn't want to admit it. And it was not what I was doing, but the fact that I made an income. A reasonable steady income. I can't say that things didn't get better. I have lived the best few months ever. Making myself useful and available in all possible ways, even business wise, for Almannhaus, supporting Conrad and implementing new procedures and forms, and advising and approving and doing what I like out of passion. It is wonderful, except there is this nagging thought in my emotional memory that work is not supposed to be fun and random, and that we do need a steady income in order to move into our own place.
Anyway, I have a lot deeper thoughts when I'm not close to a computer, and I wish I could write down all the revelations and encouragements I receive from God through people, and song and events.
We have guests this week, and everybody in the family has been sick, except me. That's pretty weird. I enjoyed having them here. they are easy going and fun to talk to and spend time with.
Other than that, I biked every day since I got my new TREK. I love biking!
For the longest time I did let my job define who I am even though I didn't want to admit it. And it was not what I was doing, but the fact that I made an income. A reasonable steady income. I can't say that things didn't get better. I have lived the best few months ever. Making myself useful and available in all possible ways, even business wise, for Almannhaus, supporting Conrad and implementing new procedures and forms, and advising and approving and doing what I like out of passion. It is wonderful, except there is this nagging thought in my emotional memory that work is not supposed to be fun and random, and that we do need a steady income in order to move into our own place.
Anyway, I have a lot deeper thoughts when I'm not close to a computer, and I wish I could write down all the revelations and encouragements I receive from God through people, and song and events.
We have guests this week, and everybody in the family has been sick, except me. That's pretty weird. I enjoyed having them here. they are easy going and fun to talk to and spend time with.
Other than that, I biked every day since I got my new TREK. I love biking!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
sick days in the family
Conrad is sick. After Caleb got sick, Maggie followed, then Mike, then Allie, dad and now Conrad. And it's all so painful, with fever and throwing up. I have been under a lot of stress this week, wit hour translation proposal, and finding the right translators, deciding on a fair price after doing some market research, and with a lot going on in the family... with the lack of routine. I need to learn to breath normally, and avoid the shortness of breath... the yoga we started a week ago seems to have relaxed some joints that didn't need to be relaxed. I always rely on my muscle strength but all of a sudden my back joints hurt... not the muscles. I don't feel like doing yoga anymore. I'll keep exercising my way.
The hand-modeling gig is making me stressed. I never take extra care of my hand. I like to use them freely and intensely. Now I have this thing bugging me that I can't over bruise them or mess up my nails. I'm still being my usual self, but I don't want to lose my contract.
Other than that, I am still looking for a full time job with benefits and PTO. I like the order an outside job offers. And the constant pay. It's not depressing anymore, because we are making a little bit of money with our business... but it's not ideal. Working in an established setting one can learn from others, and leave the work at work when coming home.
Conrad and I are trying to implement a rule that we shouldn't talk about business after 9 PM. One would think that this shouldn't be hard, but our business talks and ideas are more rich after we lay our head n the pillow. Yet, it's not healthy and it's a bad habit.
I just wish that Conrad wouldn't be in so much pain... It pains me to see him suffer.
The hand-modeling gig is making me stressed. I never take extra care of my hand. I like to use them freely and intensely. Now I have this thing bugging me that I can't over bruise them or mess up my nails. I'm still being my usual self, but I don't want to lose my contract.
Other than that, I am still looking for a full time job with benefits and PTO. I like the order an outside job offers. And the constant pay. It's not depressing anymore, because we are making a little bit of money with our business... but it's not ideal. Working in an established setting one can learn from others, and leave the work at work when coming home.
Conrad and I are trying to implement a rule that we shouldn't talk about business after 9 PM. One would think that this shouldn't be hard, but our business talks and ideas are more rich after we lay our head n the pillow. Yet, it's not healthy and it's a bad habit.
I just wish that Conrad wouldn't be in so much pain... It pains me to see him suffer.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
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