a blessed-happy month

This month was our best married month yet. Three years later we seem to have figured out a constant level of joy and peace. Granted it has a lot to do with our personal jobs that bring satisfaction as well, and pay our bills, after almost a year of frustration, worrying and living by faith and not by sight.
I love to serve my husband, and prepare lunch for him and honor him in front of his colleagues. I am truly proud of him, of his character and his kind heart, of his passion and creativity... I am proud of his hard work.
I do everything in my power to love him and help him grow. I never hold back from saying what I believe even when it's not easy to hear it or easy to say it. We both trust each other's love and positive intent. And we tested the waters long and hard. we had our hot so pretty seasons, but our heart was fully in this journey together... and we never deceived ourselves or each other our interactions.

What is the secret of a happy marriage? Not giving up... and trusting God when it's so hear to trust in any human being in the world. Faith has a lot to do with it. Faith that God will never give up on us... even when it seems like he already did.

I love my husband so much.. and he loves me so well! he spoils me, he cares for me, he honors me with his words and his actions... I am so grateful for God's gift of marriage and for Conrad. And I am grateful to God for all the energy he has blessed me with these days.

"my happy place"

Am mers zilele trecute la cumparaturi cu mom/Liz, chiar inainte sa plece ea in vacanta la parinti, si m-a intrebat din senin, care e locul in care evadez in mintea mea, ca sa ma relaxez. si pentr-u o secunda m-am panicat pentru ca nu am putut vizualiza un loc anume in mintea mea in care ma pot odihni "my happy place". ea a mentionat Maui, la un ocean cald i albastru, cu muzica valurilor in fundal... insa eu nu am fost acolo inca.

Si azi ma uitam prin poze de la mama si am dat peste un peisaj primavaratec in gradina bunicii.. acolo unde am petrecut multe veri harnice si ierni geroase. Si gradina si casa asta ma umplu de pace ca nici un alt loc pe lume. Acolo pe prispa am trit bucuriile copilariei, culegand zmeura si nuci din gradina (activitatile mele favorite), acolo am mancat scrob (omleta) cu mamaliga si branza de vaci si smantana si jumeri si fasole ... acolo m-am odihnit si am visat frumos... acolo am mers la scaldat la balta ca in povestile lui creanga, si tot acolo am invatat sa prind pesti. acolo timpul avea rabdare cu mine... acolo am citit din psalmi cu verisorii mei si cu mamaica, acolo am deprins obiceiuri bune de dimineata si de seara. acolo am vegheat-o pe mamaica cand aveam 16 ani, in cele trei zile de priveghi, toamna in octombrie... si am simtit pace si bucurie in ruga.

Iubsesc locul asta cum nu exista cuvinte sa-mi descrie dragul si bucuria ce mi-o inspira casa bunicii... my happy place.

Fetita prietenei mele Alina

Cu Alina am impartasit multe ore de calatorit cu trenul, de povesti, de tabere, am dormit in acelasi pat in tabara la Suncuius, am vorbit la telefon in fiecare zi in vacanta de vara, cand nu ne mai saturam de chicotit si de vorbit impreuna... Anii liceului sunt inseparabil legati de amintirile cu Alina. Dupa facultate fiecare s-a lasat absorbita de calatoria personala, in orase diferite, cu provocari si bucurii, we grew apart, dar Alina mi-e la fel de draga ca acum 10 ani cand imparteam totul impreuna.

Poza asta e pentru Andrada :) pentru ca stiu ca si-ar dori sa o cunoasca pe fetita Alinei. O am de la Violeta, cumnata Alinai.
Maria-Clara e o dulceata de copil! Si imi doresc ca intr-o zi, nu prea tarziu sa o cunosc si personal.
Mi-e dor de voi fetelor, Alina si Andrada. Am lasat in urma multe capitole din viata mea, si multi prieteni, doar ca sa-mi urmez drumul vietii si eventual sotul. Dar voi doua (Alina si Andrada) faceti parte din mine, din amintirile mele, din bucuriile adolesceneti.

Alina, ne bucuram din toata inima pentru minunea asta mica din viata ta! Domnul sa va intareasca in acest nou inceput si va iubesc! :)

Am inceput

Lucrez in weekend dar am zile alandala libere petrul reaxare si recuperare. Este extraordinar! Nu tin socoteala banilor ce-i castig, si ma bucur de fiecare zi cum vine, cu seninatate si libertate. Lucrurile se intampla pur si simplu si imi place enorm de mult ceea ce fac!
Liz a zis dupa trei zile intense ale mele de lucru, ca trebuie sa fim realisti cu impactul ce-l va avea aceasta schimbare asupra noastra, si ca cel mai greu va fi pentru conrad, pentru ca de acum el va primi mai putin de la mine (atentie, munca, energie) si va trebui sa dea mai mult de la el, cu treburile de casa. Nu m-am gandit la asta, dar e bine sa fim realisti de la inceput. Si totusi, o inima vesela si implinita tine loc de multe detalii legate de casa si alte planuri.

Si deodata si Dan si Andre si mama si tata s-au hotarat ca poate Februarie este luna in care vor veni sa ne viziteze. Ar fi minunat! Ar fi extraordinar! Domnul ne poarta de grija in cele mai mici detalii si in final ne daruieste mai mult decat am visat. Am un serviciu ideal, cu loc de crescut profesional si poate si cu schimb de experienta in alte tari.
Domnul sa ne binecuvinteze si sa faca sa lumineze fata lui peste noi.

Retroactive thoughts

We were watching a movie last night, after all the guests have left the party, and Conrad got a call from a designer colleague, he filled me in about what they talked and then we looked at each other and said in unison: "we have jobs!" and most importantly, we are both very excited about our jobs... It is rater silly, but having jobs is such an amazing blessing. I was aware of it and grateful I have one when the economy started to crash ... but the level of joy for having a job after not having one in such a long time.. it's just amazing!
Both Conrad and I have been without income for 10 months.. and the 100 dollars here and there for little projects doesn't count. We spent monthly a lot more on phone bill, storage payments, car payments, school loans. It was very hard to be with n schedule and no income at the same time as Conrad, but we had one another to encourage and build up in our distress.
I am amazed that I didn't give up on Conrad and Conrad and his family didn't give up on me. We have failed over and over again in our attempts to get employed, and from the outside a lot of judgement and harsh words can be laid on the person struggling, as if that's what the person needs. Tough love is not what someone unemployed needs.
And I understand it's frustrating not knowing when this is going to end, not knowing if the other person is doing enough in order to increase their chances for employment... and living in a community is equally hard and helpful. Eyes are watching, minds are judging and advising on this or that matter, encouragement or advise is a tricky matter coming from someone who is comfortably employed or not in financial default.

My heart aches for all those who are still looking for jobs. And I pray God will take good care of their souls during these times. Despair and discouragement are so imminent. Every day fighting the same demons, trying to stay busy, hoping that maybe today will be the day when you apply for the right job or hear back from all others you already applied for.

I am tankful to God for not giving up one me when I didn't deserve any more faith in my doings, or when I was beyond discouraged, for receiving appreciation and hugs from the family that already gave us so much. We are truly blessed to be here today, a year later after our life started the most unexpected roller coaster of our marriage.

Ziua lui Conrad

M-am trezit la 7 dimineata sa merg sa mai cumpar un pachet de carne tri-tip pentru bbq de ziua lui conrad. cu o seara inainte ma plangeam de cat de nepotrivita mi se pare aceasta intalnire cu familia, pentru ca nu eram chiar in dispozitia necesara sa dau o masa intinsa cu asteptari si cheltuieli... si totusi am mers inainte, bombanind pe ici pe colo. Si aseara cand am facut torturile cu Mom am mai povestit despre una alta.. si dimineata m-am treit cu mustrari de constiinta pentru bombanelile mele.
Insa a fost de-ajuns cat sa ma motiveze ca azi sa nu ma dau batuta cu una cu doua. cumparaturile de dimineata, apoi marinatul carnii, apoi coptul painii (ce-o fi fost in capul meu, nu stiu!) apoi taiatul legumelor pentru carnea pusa pe frigarui, apoi curatatul porumbului si pregatitul ca sa foe gata in acelasi timp cu restul mancarii. si statul in fum si caldura mare. dar surprinztor atitudinea din inima mea a fost pozitiva si multumitoare. Daca ii o binecuvantare mai mare ingaduita de dumnezeu, aceasta este ingaduire situatiilor de smerenie din viata mea. ele m-au indrumat spre a invata mai mult despre mine, despre oamenisi despre duumnezeu. mandria ii chiar pacatul primordial al lui satan. mandria ne impietreste si face loc mulor altor sentimente de invidie, de frustrare , de invidie, de nemultumire...

A fost o zi lunga.. si ma dor picioare si ma doare spatele si simt inca fum in nari de la frigaruile la gratar... dar a fost o zi binecuvantata cu familia in jurul mesei. Domnul fie laudat!

Sunday in San Francisco with Allie

I am going to write a book

I am thinking about writing a book. A book about my journey during unemployment. I have kept a journal, I have kept a day timer, keeping track of the interviews I went to, and lastly, this blog, with sporadic writing, but pretty much to the point, depending on how dramatic the season was. I sometimes censured my dark discouraged emotions. Anyway, it will take me a year maybe, now that the Altmannhaus business is picking up and I invest even more time in its finance department - accounting and taxes, and expense reports and paying conrad a salary. On the other hand, I will have my own job t Apple and I want more than 30 hours a week do I can qualify for health insurance. And I am still fired up about volunteering to the JH group this year.
When it rains it pours. There were times when I couldn't name one thing that I am kept busy by, except scrubbing the floors of this house, cooking dinner, earning our keep though volunteer labor.
God is mazing... and I did cling on him in silence, not knowing how to listen to his exact words, not knowing if he is even talking to me, just trusting that he is in control of our daily lives. Indeed faith is not about knowing, its about trusting in God when having no clue about the future, being scared out of my mind, and learning to deal with mild panic attacks, and deep discouragement and the frustration of not being self sufficient, but being a burden to people who have no obligation in supporting me, and yet they did it so willingly and freely and lovingly. They never made me feel like I didn't deserve their grace and generosity in hosting me and my husband in their home. Yes, they are Conrad's parents, but they could have made a big deal out of this hard season. And yet they didn't. They didn't even hint that we are inconveniencing them, that we are in their way, that they count the days until we live. They always said that they will miss us terribly when we'll go and that we should stay longer even after we do get jobs. What an amazing witness of love and grace!
This could have been a disaster, and yet it made us stronger and it made us be closer in our friendships. Yes, I am talking about mom and dad... and their amazing ability to love and serve and be generous. We are blessed indeed.

Papers signed today

I am not sure if these are just new job butterflies or I feel the stress a lot more intense lately. With every interview or first time meetings my stomach feels tight and nervous. But I did it. It's all official. I signed the papers. I drove to Los Gatos by myself, parked, found the store went in and the rest is history. Next week I'll have the classroom training at the headquarters and I look forward to meeting my team.
I came home and did more banking for Altmanhaus, paid some bills, cleaned the house, wrote to Oma and Opa, printed some expense reports and expensed some business stuff today. The accountant called me back to answer some questions I had about our business tax deductions since we just bought a car. Made a call for Andreia to some store in San Francisco and e-mailed her an update. Anyway, the day has been filled with good stuff. Today mom went paragliding and she had a lot of fun:)

I have been so easily irritable yesterday and today though. All of a sudden things have changed. Our situation has changed and I wonder if our humble attitude about our finances has changed together with the way people view and treat us. And the change is not for the better. I sense some envy or other type of expectations from us. But maybe its just my imagination.
Nonetheless, mom and dad have been very open and gracious with their stand in the recent changes. Mom keeps saying that she will miss us after we move and that they think we should wait a couple of month until we get our finances straight before we move out. I think this is such a sweet gesture of their and it also comes to confirm what great our time together has been, not being desperate to move out the moment we got the chance to.

I can't believe the job hunt season is over, and we finally have an income. It seems so natural now... I don't have to feel ashamed of my lack of purpose or lack of income... I have a community of my own, a job to go to ...and why not say it as it is, an income of my own after almost a year of living off of our savings.

The roles are interchanged now, I make about how much conrad used to make, while he makes double than I ever did. How wonderful God is! I can't believe I asked this of God and he answered my prayer in the most particular ways, even if only a year later. A year ago I was frustrated with the pressure I felt of keeping a job just because it paid well, and because it was the main income for our household. Now that someone else is carrying that burden, which for them it comes naturally to be responsible for, I can easily think about starting a family. Staying home with a baby won't make us financially insolvable.

I keep unsubscribing from job search websites. I don't need those anymore. Not for a long time.
What I love the most about having a job is not needing other people, strangers, to put in a word for me, or put me in touch with a potential job. I have my own place in the world, I am working hard and pushing myself to excel.

It's Friday, and Conrad is at work... before the long weekend. Good things are ahead and I can't wait for the real work to start.

Life is beautiful! God is wonderful and faithful. God is generous and kind! God is amazing!