Sunday, November 28, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanksgiving
So there. Thanksgiving is around the corner. Life is good and the mornings are very cold! I have to work this weekend, just a little bit, even though my family has the weekend off. I still get Thursday off! And I don't mind working. I'm so glad that this is how I feel about work.
On the other hand, I sometimes detect 1 ounce of selfishness in me. I come from work very tired and I don't care if I eat and if it is very late, I don't even at, so my level of empathy for the people who still have a normal schedule is very low. But I try and remind myself of the people that are around me. It's so easy to be unpleasant when you are self-sufficient and exhausted at the same time.
Conrad cleaned his desk the other day, by his own initiative and drive. and it looks lovely and he maintains it for so much longer when he does it himself.
I am teaching all kind of classes at work, and I am keeping up the good work. I am at a moment right now when I just want to enjoy what I do.. and can't think of all the awesome things I might do later on. My dream is to go work in Europe for a month, and the best place would be Romania, either Bucuresti, or Cluj, for Apple. Mentoring or exchange experience... and this is quite possible in the next few years. I just need to let the right people know about my interest, at the right time. I already told a few key people about my skills an my desire for exchange experience.
We also want kids at some point. There are so many new things lining up in the somewhat near future. And I am too good at leaving everything into God's ands. Right now I don't have the reason and drive to stress about why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. I choose to believe that, the same way God has taken care of us to the smallest details in these past 4 years, he will take care of the big things as well. And I still don't have health insurance, because it is too darn expensive and there are so many changes in the system, it's not even funny. We trust in God, that he will provide and He will gift us with children at the right time.
On a different note, I am looking forward to having Dan and Andreia and my parents visit us in February. They haven't made it yet to the Embassy even. But the plan is to go to the embassy and get visas for February. That would be lovely indeed.
And I look forward to the time off I'll get when they'll be here, and we'll visit so many cool places, and the ocean, and other quaint cities along the coast. We'll go shopping, we'll cook together, we'll have coffee in the morning and go for walks. It seems like a dream!
In an hour I have to be at work... the laundry is in the dryer, I'll eat some late breakfast and off I go. I can't wait for the long weekend with my family in California. Yahoo! :) I feel so blessed! So many reasons to be thankful!
On the other hand, I sometimes detect 1 ounce of selfishness in me. I come from work very tired and I don't care if I eat and if it is very late, I don't even at, so my level of empathy for the people who still have a normal schedule is very low. But I try and remind myself of the people that are around me. It's so easy to be unpleasant when you are self-sufficient and exhausted at the same time.
Conrad cleaned his desk the other day, by his own initiative and drive. and it looks lovely and he maintains it for so much longer when he does it himself.
I am teaching all kind of classes at work, and I am keeping up the good work. I am at a moment right now when I just want to enjoy what I do.. and can't think of all the awesome things I might do later on. My dream is to go work in Europe for a month, and the best place would be Romania, either Bucuresti, or Cluj, for Apple. Mentoring or exchange experience... and this is quite possible in the next few years. I just need to let the right people know about my interest, at the right time. I already told a few key people about my skills an my desire for exchange experience.
We also want kids at some point. There are so many new things lining up in the somewhat near future. And I am too good at leaving everything into God's ands. Right now I don't have the reason and drive to stress about why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. I choose to believe that, the same way God has taken care of us to the smallest details in these past 4 years, he will take care of the big things as well. And I still don't have health insurance, because it is too darn expensive and there are so many changes in the system, it's not even funny. We trust in God, that he will provide and He will gift us with children at the right time.
On a different note, I am looking forward to having Dan and Andreia and my parents visit us in February. They haven't made it yet to the Embassy even. But the plan is to go to the embassy and get visas for February. That would be lovely indeed.
And I look forward to the time off I'll get when they'll be here, and we'll visit so many cool places, and the ocean, and other quaint cities along the coast. We'll go shopping, we'll cook together, we'll have coffee in the morning and go for walks. It seems like a dream!
In an hour I have to be at work... the laundry is in the dryer, I'll eat some late breakfast and off I go. I can't wait for the long weekend with my family in California. Yahoo! :) I feel so blessed! So many reasons to be thankful!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
We have been running away from community and people, and isolating ourselves, Conrad and I, because it felt good to be alone. We are introverts and when times were rough we didn't have the energy or the creativity to make small talk with people, especially from church... It was surprisingly harder to be part of the community and yet be who we were, struggling financially, at time overwhelmed, so not so much fun to be around, unless we could just be... Be ourselves.
I remember a birthday party we went to and it was painful. Really painful. There we were, awkward, surrounded by families, talking about kids (that we don't have) and about jobs.. And i hated how fake and struggled our simple conversations felt. And i think it was our own fault that we ouched our friends away, the few that we had, because they came as a package with their own friends or because we didn't know how to keep the friendships and still be ourselves, in the mess we were. It takes a lot of work to start fresh with the same friends. Sometimes it's easier to make new friends. But why to i care? This is how i have always been. A loner. And so was Conrad. And besides the very close friendships i have built in years in cluj, i wasn't present at every event organized by the popular young people in cluj.
I also struggle in my head with this acceptance issue. I don't care, but i cant afford to be indifferent to it now that im a junior high leader. I am the outsider but the girls have been so welcoming and inviting and fun and friendly... Apparently i take a long time to build real friendships. I want to serve and love them, but when we come together on sunday, all kids have their own groups, and all of a sudden i get to live my personal junior high awkward experience that i never had the chance to live. (I was independent and enjoyed it)
I know my colleagues like me, i know i have great friends in church whose friendships i pursue and i am encouraged by, but i know best who i am and what to do when I'm on my own. Life must be lived and not constantly analyzed.
Nonetheless, my closest friend here have been a part of big important events in other friends' lives that i thought we are close to, and yet we weren't included. I am aware that it has been a long time of silence and distance, but now we are back but not part of the same circles anymore. I don't know why it hurts but it does. I am suddenly reconsidering where i stand with some friendships i thought meant more that they do in reality.
Many times, what happens is that we sit around and wait to be included and we do nothing ourselves to build relationships. People move on, and i have pushed people away or i didn't pursue them. I said many times that i am already spent between the family and the very close friends that i get to see once a week or every few weeks in a personal setting, and these are my very well defined friendships. I know where i stand and where they stand...
I just wish i knew how to create a better atmosphere for my JH girls and not to automatically drift into my loner lovely independent mode.
Other that that, my best friend Conrad brings me joy and comfort and fill my heart with his love and friendship. And i am grateful for the handful of people that love and accept me, and we can just hang out in silence and feel Ike we had the best day together ever.
Still figuring out the socials life far away from home...
I remember a birthday party we went to and it was painful. Really painful. There we were, awkward, surrounded by families, talking about kids (that we don't have) and about jobs.. And i hated how fake and struggled our simple conversations felt. And i think it was our own fault that we ouched our friends away, the few that we had, because they came as a package with their own friends or because we didn't know how to keep the friendships and still be ourselves, in the mess we were. It takes a lot of work to start fresh with the same friends. Sometimes it's easier to make new friends. But why to i care? This is how i have always been. A loner. And so was Conrad. And besides the very close friendships i have built in years in cluj, i wasn't present at every event organized by the popular young people in cluj.
I also struggle in my head with this acceptance issue. I don't care, but i cant afford to be indifferent to it now that im a junior high leader. I am the outsider but the girls have been so welcoming and inviting and fun and friendly... Apparently i take a long time to build real friendships. I want to serve and love them, but when we come together on sunday, all kids have their own groups, and all of a sudden i get to live my personal junior high awkward experience that i never had the chance to live. (I was independent and enjoyed it)
I know my colleagues like me, i know i have great friends in church whose friendships i pursue and i am encouraged by, but i know best who i am and what to do when I'm on my own. Life must be lived and not constantly analyzed.
Nonetheless, my closest friend here have been a part of big important events in other friends' lives that i thought we are close to, and yet we weren't included. I am aware that it has been a long time of silence and distance, but now we are back but not part of the same circles anymore. I don't know why it hurts but it does. I am suddenly reconsidering where i stand with some friendships i thought meant more that they do in reality.
Many times, what happens is that we sit around and wait to be included and we do nothing ourselves to build relationships. People move on, and i have pushed people away or i didn't pursue them. I said many times that i am already spent between the family and the very close friends that i get to see once a week or every few weeks in a personal setting, and these are my very well defined friendships. I know where i stand and where they stand...
I just wish i knew how to create a better atmosphere for my JH girls and not to automatically drift into my loner lovely independent mode.
Other that that, my best friend Conrad brings me joy and comfort and fill my heart with his love and friendship. And i am grateful for the handful of people that love and accept me, and we can just hang out in silence and feel Ike we had the best day together ever.
Still figuring out the socials life far away from home...
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
morning routine - reading in the sun
I am starting to love my evening shifts. I get to relax and read in the morning. there's nothing more pleasant than taking my time in the morning, and drinking tea and reading. my soul relaxes, my mind delights in the feast of words written with humor, wit and creativity.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Find out who you are
I spin in a lot of social circles lately. The Junior High group of girls, who are so fresh and full of life and of hope; the group of work colleagues, some who are so well adjusted and interesting and rich in their experience and vocabulary, and some who are still struggling to figure out who they are, while pretending that they are somebody, not digging deeper but through self gratification, and this is very shallow digging.
There are also my fellow believers, who are more alive and more hopeful, but everybody has their own journey and their own baggage of personality and history.
I seem to run into this same concept over and over again: it's not about me. I am free when I am ready and willing to serve. Jesus came into this world to serve not to be served and to show us the light and give us the hope of salvation.
Ah, and there's family, a lot of it as we get closer to the holidays. God has cured me of so much hurt and my judgmental attitude. The family is a whole different package, just because I know everybody at a such personal level, and with everybody I have such a personal relationship, unique and for the rest of my life.
Let's go back to "who am I?"
How do we discover the answer to this question. have we ever asked ourselves this question? Can we answer it? Do we ask other people to answer it? Who is entitled to tell us who we are?
When I am emotionally overwhelmed I often say" I'm such a mess" and usually I say it to Conrad so he can contradict me. He does a marvelous job at specifically building me up.
We have to be intentionally in discovering who we are and working at becoming stronger and well defined. In this day of age we can't afford to go with the flow. We'll drift in the most unexpected storms and difficulties.
I feel entitled to speak about such discoveries, about who we are are as individuals and build our strength, in full awareness of ourselves, our name, our inheritance. I traveled around the world, and rerooted myself into new country and culture and I still am who I am because my identity is in Christ. What one may say today will probably be the exact opposite of what someone will tell me about myself tomorrow. Should that change my ways, or should I be stubborn in my ways and never change either?
Let's cut to the chase. I took David as a role model. David, King David and his Psalms. He did teach me how to pray. He gave me the confidence to confess my sins and grow and move on. He taught me how to grieve and how to rejoice and how to return to God when I had left him behind.
And then the Proverbs... oh, those sweet sweet proverbs, words of wisdom: pride comes before the fall, go rarely into your neighbor's house so he wouldn't get sick of you and hate you, the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom, who talks a lot it's impossible for him not to make mistakes... and so on. One wouldn't want a parent or a fiend to be nagging in reminding you what to do or what not to do, but God's word is easy to digest and it's always there, available for our ears and hearts to take in.
I get nervous about life, I get anxious, I don't have all the answers, every day at work is totally unexpected and new, and all I can do is take God with me, to be my guide and my advisor. Integrity is a key element is keeping my ears available to hear God's voice. I can't make poor choices knowingly and then hope that God will speak to me loud enough so I can hear his directions.
I am a mess sometimes, and there are plenty things in this life that keep me in heck or keep me humble, but I know how much God loves me, how he delights in me, how He does his work through me, and gives me strength to serve and love those around me.
There are also my fellow believers, who are more alive and more hopeful, but everybody has their own journey and their own baggage of personality and history.
I seem to run into this same concept over and over again: it's not about me. I am free when I am ready and willing to serve. Jesus came into this world to serve not to be served and to show us the light and give us the hope of salvation.
Ah, and there's family, a lot of it as we get closer to the holidays. God has cured me of so much hurt and my judgmental attitude. The family is a whole different package, just because I know everybody at a such personal level, and with everybody I have such a personal relationship, unique and for the rest of my life.
Let's go back to "who am I?"
How do we discover the answer to this question. have we ever asked ourselves this question? Can we answer it? Do we ask other people to answer it? Who is entitled to tell us who we are?
When I am emotionally overwhelmed I often say" I'm such a mess" and usually I say it to Conrad so he can contradict me. He does a marvelous job at specifically building me up.
We have to be intentionally in discovering who we are and working at becoming stronger and well defined. In this day of age we can't afford to go with the flow. We'll drift in the most unexpected storms and difficulties.
I feel entitled to speak about such discoveries, about who we are are as individuals and build our strength, in full awareness of ourselves, our name, our inheritance. I traveled around the world, and rerooted myself into new country and culture and I still am who I am because my identity is in Christ. What one may say today will probably be the exact opposite of what someone will tell me about myself tomorrow. Should that change my ways, or should I be stubborn in my ways and never change either?
Let's cut to the chase. I took David as a role model. David, King David and his Psalms. He did teach me how to pray. He gave me the confidence to confess my sins and grow and move on. He taught me how to grieve and how to rejoice and how to return to God when I had left him behind.
And then the Proverbs... oh, those sweet sweet proverbs, words of wisdom: pride comes before the fall, go rarely into your neighbor's house so he wouldn't get sick of you and hate you, the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom, who talks a lot it's impossible for him not to make mistakes... and so on. One wouldn't want a parent or a fiend to be nagging in reminding you what to do or what not to do, but God's word is easy to digest and it's always there, available for our ears and hearts to take in.
I get nervous about life, I get anxious, I don't have all the answers, every day at work is totally unexpected and new, and all I can do is take God with me, to be my guide and my advisor. Integrity is a key element is keeping my ears available to hear God's voice. I can't make poor choices knowingly and then hope that God will speak to me loud enough so I can hear his directions.
I am a mess sometimes, and there are plenty things in this life that keep me in heck or keep me humble, but I know how much God loves me, how he delights in me, how He does his work through me, and gives me strength to serve and love those around me.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
my hubby on a business trip
I woke up at 5 AM this morning to take Conrad to the airport. He is going to Seattle for three days, on a business trip. And he was quite excited about this prospect. I am staying home to rest, spend time with my girlfriends, go to the Quarterly meeting at work (which is always to much fun to miss) and then, just go to work on Monday. I have a group of kids coming in for a Field Trip at 9 AM.
As we were falling asleep last night Conrad whispered into my ear: "Thank you for loving me and helping me be the man I am today"... I was half asleep but that was such an amazing declaration of love and appreciation. I know both of us have grown so much chiseled fed by each others' love and feedback and communication. We had some rough times in the past, changing careers, struggling financially, dealing with extended family, but oh, pushing through with determination and faith brought us here today... and we are in awe and delight for the amazing work that God has done and the work that He can do in us.
As we were falling asleep last night Conrad whispered into my ear: "Thank you for loving me and helping me be the man I am today"... I was half asleep but that was such an amazing declaration of love and appreciation. I know both of us have grown so much chiseled fed by each others' love and feedback and communication. We had some rough times in the past, changing careers, struggling financially, dealing with extended family, but oh, pushing through with determination and faith brought us here today... and we are in awe and delight for the amazing work that God has done and the work that He can do in us.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Luni dimineata
Proverbe 1: inima omului se gandeste pe ce cale sa mearga dar Domnul ii indreapta pasii. -
Incredinteaza-ti lucrarile in mana domnului si iti vor izbuti planurile; Cine cugeta la cuvantul Domnului gaseste fericirea si cine se increde in Domnul este fericit. Intelepciunea este un izvor de viata pentru cine o are dar pedeapsa nebunilor este nebunia lor. Cuvintele prietenoase sunt ca un fagur de miere, dulci pentru suflet si sanatoase pentru oase.
Astfel de cuvinte imi dau curaj si energie sa imi incep saptamana. Asa imi incepeam zilele infricosatoare din liceu, cu examene cu teste, cu ore de fizica si de franceza. Am avut o saptamana extraordinara si sunt ingrijorata ca nu ma voi putea ridica la inaltimea saptamanii trecute, si uit sa iau fiecare zi Asa cum vine si sa o incredintez in mana domnului. El face lumina pe calea mea, si el lumineaza putere si dragostea lui prin mine. Eu tot ce trebuie sa fac e sa fiu o unealta disponibila si lat a de lucru pentru mainile domnului. E frig si imi vine sa ma cuibaresc in pat cu o carte si sa imi odihnesc inca obositele picioare. Dar domnul imi va da putere sa incep si sa termini aceasta zi cu bine. Nu e ironic ca o saptamana prea buna imi da emotii la inceputul unei noi saptamani?
Incredinteaza-ti lucrarile in mana domnului si iti vor izbuti planurile; Cine cugeta la cuvantul Domnului gaseste fericirea si cine se increde in Domnul este fericit. Intelepciunea este un izvor de viata pentru cine o are dar pedeapsa nebunilor este nebunia lor. Cuvintele prietenoase sunt ca un fagur de miere, dulci pentru suflet si sanatoase pentru oase.
Astfel de cuvinte imi dau curaj si energie sa imi incep saptamana. Asa imi incepeam zilele infricosatoare din liceu, cu examene cu teste, cu ore de fizica si de franceza. Am avut o saptamana extraordinara si sunt ingrijorata ca nu ma voi putea ridica la inaltimea saptamanii trecute, si uit sa iau fiecare zi Asa cum vine si sa o incredintez in mana domnului. El face lumina pe calea mea, si el lumineaza putere si dragostea lui prin mine. Eu tot ce trebuie sa fac e sa fiu o unealta disponibila si lat a de lucru pentru mainile domnului. E frig si imi vine sa ma cuibaresc in pat cu o carte si sa imi odihnesc inca obositele picioare. Dar domnul imi va da putere sa incep si sa termini aceasta zi cu bine. Nu e ironic ca o saptamana prea buna imi da emotii la inceputul unei noi saptamani?
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Tired and happy
Such a busy week. And so satisfying. My colleagues are awesome and I had a great week at work. But I so look forward to a day off of rest and lots of sleep. My feet hurt and I'm losing my voice from too much talking at work. Great customers, high energy great reviews... Life is good and I'm happy. Rockstar of yesterday...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Junior High girls night
We painted together the questions mail box, we got paint on our hands, we laughed, we had fun... This weekday get together was special.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
free
I was wondering the other day what freedom means. or how can one feel it. and in this season of my life I realize that freedom can be truly be felt by those who are selfless. It is funny how the things that tie us down and make us distressed and frustrated come from within... I am free to serve and because of that, I am more free than ever. I woke up this morning and I made breakfast for Conrad, and while doing so I awakened my appetite as well. I made eggs and prossciuto and toast and tomatoes and i pored for each a glass of orange juice. I also prepared lunch for Conrad and for Dad... and one my one day off I keep busy... because things need to be done around here. I was a bit grumpy the other day, for coming home late to conrad who was playing video games, and there was no food. the only time we ate a warm cooked meal was when I made it, this past work week. I did verbalize my frustration and then I moved on.
Sometimes mom does more than she needs to, and overworks herself even on days she doesn't feel too good... and she said that she thinks of me when she does that. I must say that when I go the extra mile I think of my mom and of Carmen. These two women are wonder women. and they do inspire me.. even from far away.
I feel free, and I want to remain free.. free of my selfish impulses, free of a bad attitude, free to love and serve and bring joy to the world (ok, that does sound cheesy...).
Nonetheless, let's do our best and let's do more than what is expected of us to do... and maybe we'll inspire others to do so...
Sometimes mom does more than she needs to, and overworks herself even on days she doesn't feel too good... and she said that she thinks of me when she does that. I must say that when I go the extra mile I think of my mom and of Carmen. These two women are wonder women. and they do inspire me.. even from far away.
I feel free, and I want to remain free.. free of my selfish impulses, free of a bad attitude, free to love and serve and bring joy to the world (ok, that does sound cheesy...).
Nonetheless, let's do our best and let's do more than what is expected of us to do... and maybe we'll inspire others to do so...
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