Skype with Luca

I had the privilege to spend almost an hour chatting with my brother and Luca. It was a perfect Sunday, morning here, afternoon there, but the same sun was warming us all at the same time. Pretty awesome, since in the winter we only share the sunset/sunrise exchange. I love this little boy so much!

Bridal shower for Alex

Long weekend

Memorial day weekend... we are home alone for for days. It's too quiet here. I cleaned the house, and it stayed clean, with no waves of people coming and going. I baked bread for tomorrow's sandwiches, I watched little women and bathed in the sun on the porch. It has been a long Friday. My brain is too fried to learn a new program or translate in a foreign language a user manual. I've done all these the whole week. having our own business it's very tiring. But we're making money finally!

I feel alive and motivated and secure. Until now I felt a little bit overwhelmed with the neediness of applying for jobs. I have a new attitude. I do what I am good at and I like it. And it pays off. It's amazing. Administrating a business, constantly learning something new, doing research about this and that, writing quotes, coordinating people, setting up our finances in a professional organized way... it's working! It's beautiful, it's different.

Tomorrow is Alex's bridal shower. I'm making european sandwiches with home made bread. I am so excited. I have a video edited as a game, with Questions and answers for Alex, with Howard, about the two of them.
Life is on a roll, and on a new rhythm... I am learning the steps as I go.

Let's not wish to go back to Egypt after we already crossed the Red Sea

I spent almost two hours on Skype with my mom today. We talked about random tuff and good stuff. It was a rich time and I am so blessed to get along so well with my mom.
As we were chatting about Romania and the hard economic times, and how a lot of people regret the communist era, and they wish Ceausescu back... they complain about the present. Without a doubt the present is not easy, and the more we worry and stress about it, the darker it seems. But looking at the bright side, being grateful for what we have now, we can make the present a beautiful time of great memories, of joy and friendship, of getting closer to God and to heaven. I sometimes catch myself daydreaming about my own "Egypt". The days we had our own place and I had a job. I dreaded both of them, wishing the freedom to go anywhere in the world, thinking about resigning from my job pretty much every day for over a year. I asked for deliverance, and then the door was open for me, and we went to Romania and fulfilled our dreams, and our journey continues, and we shall never wish we went back to Egypt, to our old masters, but let God lead up into the promised land. Seeking God's face and resting in His promise and faithfulness.

seeking God's face and going on a hike

I woke up this morning with a clear memory of a dream I had last night. An overflow of joy while realizing and feeling God's care and presence. I remember clearly saying that all I need is to trust in the Lord and seek His face... and I felt just happiness! I went and took a shower and I was singing psalms. As I write this down it still seems surreal... and yet there it was.
I believe it has to do with the decision of reading a psalm every morning. That was a month and a half ago. We have skipped many mornings, especially Sundays when we went to church anyway, but we are at psalm 25 now. Conrad and I read them out loud and discuss them or share emotions brought up by the reading. We talk about David and His amazing example, and we remember who God is and how amazing is He viewed through David's eyes.
Plus, last Sunday Larry Brown talked about seeking God's face through a very touching and transparent sermon. This idea has been on my mind all week. I want to seek God's face. I want to feel His presence in my life all the time. I don't want to fear this world and the mundane challenges. I love God and praising Him and resting in Him through David's example is such a great path to follow.

I also went on a long hike today after church. I got to spend time in silence, listening to the wind, while Conrad and Dad were behind, taking pictures of random stuff. I got to sing in the nature also, and feel God's presence. A glass of gin and tonic later I feel beat. I am so exhausted I can barely stand... but I had such a great day!

the bride's made dress

i went and picked the bride's made's dress today. it's all wrinkled and i needed help to put it on. i don't like stiff dresses but it looks nice and festive. and it's our gift to alex. i am so excited to celebrate this event. and i can't wait to see Alex and Howard on their wedding day.

Meeting Conrad's new client and the team

A very successful australian who moved to the states only five years ago, funny, welcoming and kind. It was a delight to celebrate with him and his family, his 41st birthday. Funny enough, Conrad's former boss arrived to the party with his wife, and I think it was the first time we sat down and chatted about food, travels and life. They were always nice to me but I never seemed to find the time or the opportunity to get to know them better.
I had a blast! The owner of the company kept saying that I'm their new hand-model for the portable espresso machine, and as we left he said he approves of my hands, and that I should take it easy with any house or yard work. Ha-ha! I like the freedom to do bare-hands work whenever I want to. That's why I enjoy working with my brain. Nobody has a problem with me over using in in my spare time.

fun with caleb

new understanding of god's potential plan with me

It will be good to put this all behind me. I started this blog and I realize that it's marked with my unemployment journey, and when I dig deep down this is what preoccupies my mind. I find I'm not very proud of my spinning in circles. It's a maze, or just a hike through some un-trailed woods, and I have to learn to enjoy the process... otherwise I'll go nuts.

Last night, a wonderful Friday, when getting ready to celebrate Conrad's unforeseen success with a new big corporate contract, I got my bad news that the company I was so close to getting a job with, cancelled the position for now. It's the second time it happened, and it's not a consolation that nobody else was better than you (well, it is a little bit), but it's unsettling that the market that appears to be open again to hiring is not quite ready to commit to it. I was in disbelief for an hour, I took a shower and then I told everybody else. Their sadness for my news made me shed a tear. But, today it's new day and the job hunt continues.

The revelation I want to talk about is related to work and finance, but from a new point of view. It's about Conrad's success. And how this was a deep desire of my heart. After two years of feeling the burden of our finances, and the pressure to provide, because nothing else was in my power to do, but work hard and not give up, God blessed me with no job, stretching my mind and my patience, walking me through the maze of control and resentment and pride. I did resent the fact that I was making so much more money than Conrad and yet we barely made ends meet at times. I was struggling with my job and contemplated many times quitting it, but felt stuck in our apartment lease ...and when I remember those days from the present time, I'm not sure I would trade our present state with back then.

I felt relief and I felt humbled to know that Conrad is the one providing for us. For the first time ever, I am the least in control of our financial situation and income than ever. Giving up control is humbling and yet so good. I don't even know how this works. But I am grateful God is in control and if it wasn't the best time for me to have a job yet, I can almost see the reason why. I am all of a sudden relieved of the burden of woking anything in order to bring on some income. I feel the freedom of digging deeper to figure out what I want to do with my life, and what line of work would I enjoy doing full time. It's amazing!

I feel closer to God the more I know about him, the better I understand him, the better I feel like I'm figuring out His plan for me. Today I rest in him, with all the unknown up ahead. I'm in a new situation, of being cared for, out of my control.
Making a few hundred dollars a month is pennies compared to our expenses, not taking in consideration the food or the rent. It's ridiculous and yet it's where we are right now.
I am very proud of Conrad. I am proud of his talent and his determination to continue to pursue his design career. We are a good team, and two is better than one. Definitely!

A random Tuesday

I woke up not with my usual happy hopeful mood. Last night before I went to bed I read an e-mail from one of the directors I interviewed with, saying that they still need more time to decide on whom to hire. I wrote a few e-mails, following up on some other job leads, and went downstairs to read our morning psalm with conrad. It was Psalm 18 today, a long one, but a psalm of gratitude, confirmation and hope. David wrote it after he was delivered from his enemies' hands and especially Saul. I keep getting insights from the other side of the storm, about grateful people who have seen God's hand at work and a thankful and rest in Him. After we read the psalm I was sharing with Conrad how I feel loopy. My brain seems to spin in circles, and I have no other resources and ideas, or I just feel discouraged. I can't afford to lose hope, and I am still applying for new jobs while waiting for an answer from those that seem like they have a great potential. I am afraid of disappointment. I had my hope up a few times and it all crumbled when I least expected. And socially I am most equipped, but in the professional world I feel vulnerable, because I can't just quit. I need an income, I need to survive, and I can't wait to reengage my mind full time in a challenging work environment.
I am still trying to figure God out, and I think that if I learn this one lesson that He wants to teach it to me, I will exit this crazy cycle of joblessness, or He will speak to me loud and clear. But no, it's all a blur, and I am not sure what I am supposed to learn now, or what exactly is expected from me. Life is not hard except through this emotional challenge of waiting. I embraced the humbleness of depending on others, and I welcome mom and dad's love and grace in having us in their home. I started to dream smaller, I only what to have a job to be able to pay for our latest car repairs and the school loans. But then I remember God is a lot more powerful, and has a lot bigger plans for me. I just need to wait on him, and be patient, and honor him with my daily actions and attitude.
I feel like I'm a player in a baseball game, and I have been on the bench for so long, I even forgot how to play. The off game training is not doing it for me. I am so impatient and anxious to go out on the field and win the game. And yet, the Coach is keeping me on the bench. And has no intentions to let me in on his strategy, give me a timeline... anything.

I got a prescreening call today. My resume is being passed on now to the actual company that is hiring. I keep myself busy cleaning and doing little chores around the house. I prepared dinner by chopping the veggies, I cleaned the grill (it will be a surprise for mom) and I went to play frisbee in the park with Conrad.
Tonight I'm going to videotape Howard's answers for the Q&A game, in preparation for Alex's bridal shower.

It's a hot day and I got a suntan on my back... life's good even when I'm not familiar with the Script.

The reception party

Allie and Jim's day was perfect. The reception was the most fun, elegant, expensive, delicious, high-class party I have attended. The mingling was exceptional. I had a few memorable, deep or funny conversations. I didn't meet many new people.. except those whom I couldn't escape, but the old friends were a delight to talk to. I had a few glasses of white wine, i tasted the cassis, the gin and tonic and I had a full glass of lemon-drop, and a glass of sampanie. It may sound like much, but it was all spread through the evening, with appetizers and the delicious dinner. I loved talking with Peri about life and family, and circumstances and I just love and admire her greatly. One would be honored to have her as a friend. I talked with Bernard about traveling and the trips he took to Israel and Turkey and Greece, and the groups of people he "shepherd' there, all the way from PBC:) I talked with Daniel over dinner about the transcultural experience and it was so fun to be on the same page with someone that understands the little things that impact an european living in the states. He is funny and genuine in his conversations. I am so happy I sat next to him at the dinner table. Together with Conrad we had a few more fun conversations with people, about dating and fast courtship, and the tale of our love and marriage. I remember way to clear everything I said or was said to me... even though the music was loud at times and the delicious liquor. It was a delight to see Allie happy and everybody enjoying the fancy dinner at the extremely elegant french restaurant. I even got to converse in romanian with one of the waiters, and in french with the owner of the restaurant. What a delightful evening! What a treat!

Next day brunch ...it was a long party

snapshots with conrad's camera

more smiles

the family

more fun with friends

Reception at Cassis

May 1st ... weekend in San Francisco